Tell Me the Truth
by HarleyChick91
Summary: Set right after Mariah leaves the apartment after Tessa comes clean about everything.


**Tell Me the Truth**

As the door closed behind me, I heard Tessa burst into tears. It took everything I had to not turn back, open that door, and pull her into my arms. Needing to clear my head, I went where everyone went in this town: Chancellor Park.

Walking around the once innocent park, I came across where Tessa used to play. Warmth filled my heart remembering how she would always give a small bow in my direction when she finished. _I never thought back then that I'd fall in love with Tessa. Or that any of what we've been through would happen._

Taking a seat on the nearby bench, I continued staring at the space. _Why do I still love her so much? She tormented my mother and blackmailed Nikki. Why didn't I notice any of the signs about her and Noah? She seemed to like him but then how she looked and acted around me was totally different. It wasn't an act. Or at least it didn't seem like one. Thinking back, her feelings towards him did seem flat._

 _How did I not see any of this? I used to be good at conning people. Hell, I was running a con when I first came to town._ My stomach churned remembering what I did to Sharon, my own mother, when I came to GC. _I can't be high and mighty. I've done horrible things too. If Tessa's telling me the truth now, then she didn't go looking for this. It did just fall into her lap. But why would she…_ Groaning, I ran my hands through my hair. _If the situation was different, I would probably have done the same thing. Or at least do anything, even something this drastic, to protect her and Sharon._

Needing to stay warm, I walked around more. _Tessa has nothing to hide from me now. I know everything._ Relief washed over me knowing there were no secrets between us. A cynical laugh bubbled up my throat. _She loved me and never loved Noah. Why am I happy about that? She was conning my family. A lot of things make sense now._

 _What am I going to do about Sharon?_ Rage kept me warm as I made my way back to the parking lot. _She lied to me outright. Has been lying to me. Constantly. I know why she did it. And I have no ground to judge but…I thought we were in a good place. A place where we could be totally honest with one another. I know far more about her than a daughter should. The two people I love betrayed me. Have been betraying me._

I'm not sure how long I sat in my car before pulling out of the park. All I know is, I found myself back home. Standing outside the apartment building, I debated going to the apartment. I wondered if Tessa was still crying or if I would find her asleep curled in my blanket again.

Using my key, I walked in. Nothing had changed in the hours that I was gone. Closing the door, I made sure both locks were turned. Exiting the bathroom, Tessa looked shocked. "Y-you're here…"

Dropping my keys in the bowel, I spoke. "I hate the fact we only have one bed."

"W-we?" Confusion was clear in the woman's voice. "I…I can sleep on the floor."

"I'm pissed at you but I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor in ou…here."

"There's still a "we"?" Tessa fidgeted with the washcloth she held.

"I don't know. I just know I'm drained. I can't go to Sharon's because it'll piss me off even more. I've thought about everything and she's been lying to me too. At the moment, I'm pissed at you both but," I paused, "this is still my home."

A weary smile ghosted Tessa's face. "I-I'm glad you still…think of this shoebox as home."

Entering the kitchen, I brought down two glasses. I'm not sure if it was out of habit or kindness. "Want a drink?" Glancing over my shoulder, I caught the terror that flashed across the musician's face. "Not poisoned or drugged. I promise."

"S-sure." Taking a seat, Tessa watched me from the couch.

"Here," holding out a glass, I tried not to dwell on how swollen Tessa's eyes still were. _She's been crying._ Placing the half empty bottle of bourbon on the table, I sat.

"Thanks…" Taking the offering, she sipped the bitter liquid. Tossing the double shot back, I waited for the liquor to calm my nerves. A soft chuckle came from the other end of the small couch. "I'm still amazed that you can do that with a straight face."

Pouring another shot, I swirled it in the glass. "I've done some pretty screwed up stuff too. But through all the lies, I know you actually loved me. You looked at me differently and acted more genuine."

"I still love you, Mariah. I never stopped." Tessa's voice was soft but still had strength behind it.

"Don't-" _I can't hear that right now._ "I know. That's another reason why I'm here. You did this but I can see that what you feel for me is real. I can see it in your eyes, feel it in your touch, and hear it in your voice." A sarcastic laugh escaped my throat. "Too bad we couldn't have made that a hit song. Gotten royalties instead of hush money."

"I know I shouldn't have done this. Any of it. But my back was against the wall and I honestly thought you were in danger. I meant what I said earlier about never actually going to the cops."

"I know." Rubbing my temples, I felt a stress headache coming on. "You've always ever wanted to keep me and your sister safe."

"I'm glad you understand that." Leaning forward, Tessa started to reach for the Buffalo Trace. "May I?"

"It's yours too." Looking around our little shoebox, I smiled seeing the picture of us by the door.

Realizing what I was smiling at, Tessa went to retrieve the photo. "This was a great day."

"It was." _How is she still so damn beautiful? Ugh!_ "Did you mean what you said? About giving the money back?"

"If it would start to mend things between us, yes. I'd even pay back the twenty grand. Hell, I'll burn it if that's what you want."

"No! Please, don't." I grabbed Tessa's wrist. "Just…sit."

"I hate that I broke us again. I keep doing that, don't I?" Leaning forward, the musician hid her face in her hands. "I'm the broken one, not you."

"If I wasn't part of your plan, the morning after the night I cried on your shoulder…"

"I slipped. I meant what I said. All of it. Around you, even back then, I couldn't hide behind the walls I have. Everything dealing with you was real. All the looks, touches, words…everything." Staring into her glass, a sad smile graced the woman's lips. "I was so close to kissing you that morning. If they hadn't shown up, I would have. When you kissed me in San Fran…God…I forgot about everything I ever wanted. My singular focus was you. Moving onto the ranch was the best of both words. I was getting closer to Noah but at the same time…I got to spend more time with you." Tessa's voice wavered as she spoke about the past. "When I stole your journal and used your words…that had nothing to do with money. It was stress and I slid back into my old ways. Every night until you forgave me, I cried myself to sleep." Turning towards Tessa, I listened as she poured her heart out. "When we started working together at HWG, I loved it because I saw you almost every day. I was ecstatic when we hung out. It reminded me of old times." Smiling, a single tear ran down Tessa's cheek. "And then Kyle and Devon set us up on our first date." Clearing her throat, Tessa forced herself to continue. "Kissing you again made everything negative fall away. When we decided to date…I was on cloud nine."

 _She's holding nothing back. She really does love me. I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and tell her everything is going to be okay but I can't. I don't even know if things will be okay. If I forgive her, it's going to take a long time. Not to mention what I'm going to do about Sharon and the rest of women's murder club. There has to be something Tessa doesn't know. Self defense or some circumstance that wasn't recorded._

"You have that look." Tessa's head tilted. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"There has to be something else. Some reason why JT ended up in that rug. I know he was abusive towards Victoria so maybe he attacked her and one of them stopped him? I don't know. There has to be something we're missing."

"You said it again. As much as I like the sound of a "we," I don't want you involved in this. I know that you are because you know everything but I don't want you hurt. You were there that night. Passed out but still there."

"Is that why you'd never actually go to the cops? Because I was there."

"Yes. That and because it involves Sharon. If anything was to happen to her, and I caused it, you'd never forgive me. I'm not sure if you will this time but there might be a shred of hope. I know if she was sent to prison, there's a snowball's chance in Hell you'd forgive me." Yawning for the hundredth time, I finally gave in. "We better get some sleep."

"Yeah. You've yawned a lot." Offering the green blanket, Tessa smiled. "It's your favorite. I'll get another. Having you here is the only reason I'm giving it up."

"Thanks." I watched as Tessa retrieved herself a blanket. Breathing deeply, I kicked off my shoes and got comfortable. _It smells like her now._

"Goodnight, Mariah." Curling up on the other side of the couch, Tessa sighed.

"Goodnight, Tessa _." I'm acutely aware of where she's at. I can almost feel her._

Nearly an hour pasted and I was still awake. I couldn't stop thinking about Tessa, JT, Sharon, and this whole mess. Groaning inwardly, I tried repositioning myself again. When I heard Tessa humming, it instantly started to relax me. "Damn it."

"You need sleep and you're stressed. I know your head is pounding. Since I can't play with your hair or give you a massage, humming is all I have left. You'd probably throw something at me if I sang to you."

"Yeah, I probably would." Looking over my shoulder, I caught Tessa's gaze. _I'm still hopelessly in love with her. If she sang, I'd be doomed._

I tried for another twenty minutes to get comfortable but gave in. "Ugh!" Sitting up, I rolled my shoulders.

"What can I do to help you relax?" Without a word, I pulled Tessa to her feet and started pulling out the bed. "Mariah?"

"We've slept in a bed without touching before. We can do it again." Once everything was set, I got settled under the covers. Laying down helped. I was still very aware of Tessa just a few inches behind me but I was able to get comfortable. _She's still humming. Over an hour later, and she's still trying to help me rest. After everything, she's still trying to help me._ Grumbling, I gave up. Reaching back, I grabbed Tessa's arm and draped it over my hip. "Not a word." _She's got that damn triumphant smile. I just know it._

At some point, my bladder demanded to be emptied. Moving Tessa's arm, I tried getting up without disturbing her. "Mariah…" The musician's hand reached for me but fell short.

"Bathroom. I'm not leaving."

"K…" She mumbled in her sleep.

Cracking the door, I flipped on the light. Blinding myself, I winced until my eyes adjusted. Sitting, I rubbed my face. _I'm still drained. I'm sleeping but not resting. I've gotten so used to being curled up in Tessa's arms that I can't sleep otherwise._ Scoffing at myself, I shook my head. _Before I met Tessa, I laughed at people like me._ After washing my hands, I stretched. Catching a glimpse of my tattoo in the mirror caused a new wave of emotions to overwhelm me. _She's my other half. We were so happy._

Walking back into the living room, I saw Tessa curled up to my pillow. Her cheeks were wet with tears. _She's crying in her sleep. I've only seen this once when she was worried about Crystal._ Knowing how strong her grip was, I reached over to take hers. Crawling back into my spot, I got as comfortable as I could. _My face is so close to hers. Ugh. I want to kiss her tears away but I can't._ Wiping stray tears away with my thumb, I whispered. "I'm right here. I would never leave you like that." _Or leave for long…_

Xxx

I woke to the sound of Tessa's voice. _She's singing. But the song is in the early stages. Like she just started this morning. She's singing through the pain._

"That Arizona sky burning in your eyes. You look at me and, babe, I wanna catch on fire. It's buried in my soul like California gold. You found the light in me that I couldn't find. So, when I'm all choked up but I can't find the words. Every time we say goodbye, Baby, it hurts. When the sun goes down and the band won't play, I'll always remember us this way."

 _Oh God, I'm going to cry if she keeps this up._ Biting my lip, I continued listening.

"Lovers in the night, poets trying to write. We don't know how to rhyme but damn, we try. But all I really know, you're where I wanna go. The part of me that's you will never die."

 _Yup. Here come the tears. Damn it! Thankfully, my back is towards her._

"I don't wanna be just a memory. When you look at me and the whole world fades, I'll always remember us this way." Feeling the bed shift, I knew Tessa was looking down at me. "I really messed up this time. I just hope you can forgive me."

"That better not be a "goodbye" song. I'll never forgive you if you leave that and disappear." Rolling to my back, I met the musician's gaze. "I swear Tessa, that will be the final straw. We can work through this but if you run…" I warned. My voice strained with the idea of never seeing Tessa again.

"I won't. I swear it."

"Good." Letting myself ease, I sat up. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I yawned. "How long have you been awake for?"

"Since about five. I had to use the bathroom and kept hearing this song in my head. I hope I didn't wake you." She paused. "You always have been my biggest inspiration."

 _What am I supposed to say to that?_ "At the moment, I'm not a good muse." Making my way towards the kitchen, I started making coffee. "Want some?"

"Please. Did you sleep any better?"

 _She damn well knows the answer to that._ "After the bathroom, yes."

"That's good." Tessa started playing the small keyboard again.

"Don't wanna feel another touch. Don't wanna start another fire. Don't wanna know another kiss." I could feel Tessa's eyes burning into me as I sang. Eventually, the shock wore off and she continued playing. "No other name falling off my lips. Don't wanna give my heart away to another stranger. Or let another day begin. Won't even let the sunlight in. No, I'll never love again…"

"When we first met, I never thought that I would fall. I never thought that I'd find myself lying in your arms. I don't wanna know this feeling unless it's you and me. I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh and I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me. I would rather wait for you."

Knowing each other far too well, we sang the last set of lyrics together. "Don't wanna give my heart away to another stranger. Don't let another day begin. Won't let the sunlight in. Oh, I'll never love again. Never love again…"

Trying to not let herself get too excited, Tessa fidgeted. "So, how long have you been awake exactly?"

"Since 5:15." I deadpanned as I poured us each a cup of coffee. "I swear, I must have an internal switch that flips whenever you sing. If I'm asleep, I'll wake up. I won't even be angry that I was woken up. It was like that at Sharon's too."

A nervous laugh vibrated the musician's throat. "That's good…I think? You sound amazing."

"You know how grumpy I am if I'm woken up before I have to be. Especially if it's a few hours before. So yes, it's a good thing I wasn't irritated." Bringing the two mugs into the living room, I offered one to Tessa. Biting my lip, I debated my words. "Maybe, maybe, once things get straightened out, we could sing together."

"I'd really like that." Sipping the coffee, Tessa allowed the steamy liquid to take hold. Biting her lip, she spoke. "Thank you…for coming home last night and not leaving. It…it means a lot that you stayed."

"Part of me thought I'd wake up this morning and you'd be gone. All that would be left would be a note."

"Mariah-" Reaching out for my hand, Tessa retracted it quickly. "I couldn't do that to you. Especially now."

"That's why it was only a small part of me. It's obvious that we now have a lot of…stuff to deal with. Between us. But, as long as we stay honest, we can get through this. Okay? No more lies?"

"No more lies." We drank our coffee in a comfortable silence. Both wondering what the next step would be.

Our normal morning routine took place. Each of us showered and took turns using the mirror in the small bathroom. Sharing it as we brushed our teeth and applied our makeup. Both of us were nervous about leaving. _Once we leave so many things could happen. Here we're safe. Out there, we're not._

"So, we act normal. We go to work, act like nothing has changed, and reconvene here after work." Sliding into my coat, I watched as Tessa wrapped a scarf around her neck.

"Yeah. That's the plan." Unsure of the air between us, Tessa didn't kiss me before we walked out the door like she always had.

Surprising us both, I wrapped the taller woman in a strong embrace. "We're going to be okay. I just need some time to wrap my head around everything. I meant what I said yesterday. I love you. I still love you." I couldn't stop myself from nuzzling my girlfriend's hair.

"I love you too, Mariah." Tessa cupped the back of my head and held me. We stood there for a few minutes just to reassure each other.

 **A/N: Songs used: "Remember Us This Way" and "I'll Never Love Again" by Lady Gaga. If you've not seen A Star Is Born yet…GO SEE IT!**


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